a study in contradictions

rare public post...I'm not the same person I was

2004-05-31T17:47:09Z

Yep. This is a rare public post. Those who I feel need to read the dribble that I usually post are on my friends list. This is for everyone else.

It's pretty amazing how I've changed over the past few months. Moving out of state and back, meeting new people, doing new things, believing new beliefs; it's all been amazing.

Hopefully, this is the beginning of a "me" who is more human. Or a lack of "me", as Alan Watts talks about in his book "The Wisdom of Insecurity", which I've recently read. I guess that's my goal: to be more human, yet to be less "me", while being for my sake. (Hmmm...it's hard to put it into words. If you don't understand, drop me a note and I'll try to explain it.)

Anyways, back to "friends only" mode. I'm posting less and less, too, and I've thought of shutting down this journal. I don't know what I'll do. But I don't have to make a decision right now, so I'll just let things flow.

no biking for me tonight

2003-10-30T23:35:16Z

I just slept for 3 hours. My legs are still mighty sore. I'm not pedicabbing tonight. Let's see how I feel tomorrow.

I'll use this evening for contemplation and writing. I'm in that sort of "calm" mood.

personal limitations

2003-10-30T17:38:04Z

I wonder if I'm cut out for hard physical labor. I'm just not used to it. I know I'll get used to it. I'm just not sure I can get over that "hump" to be able to get used to it.

Wow, it was tough. I mean, when those 2 ladies got in my cab last night (and they weren't anywhere near overweight; they were both very nicely-figured) and I tried to pedal away, it was like I couldn't move. It took me a few seconds to get going. I was propelling almost 600 pounds with my legs alone. I got going, and it's much easier once you have some momentum, but it's not easy. Today, I'm sore as hell.

As I've said before, I'm predominantly a brain, just housed in a body. I've increased my physical fitness an incredible amount in the past few months by bicycling, stretching, and performing bits of Chi Kung. I'm trying to become more attuned to my body, something I've neglected in the past. But I'm much better at jobs where I think, write, type - this is the first "physical" job I've ever had. And pedicabbing is overwhelming in its sheer magnitude.

I guess I'm wondering if I bit off more than I can chew.

humanity, drunkeness, and worthless people...coming soon

2003-10-30T09:43:36Z

You know, I have a lot to say about what I saw tonight on Sixth Street. Frankly, it was sickening, as I expected it to be. I can only imagine what the weekends are like.

I might post about my feelings tomorrow. Sufice it to say, I was quite disgusted this evening.

my first night of pedicabbing

2003-10-30T09:39:32Z

Got there about 9:00PM. Talked with a guy there who was running the shop for the night. I needed a headlight, so I he found an extra on another guy's bike and said I could use it for the night. Talked for a bit, hooked up a cab, and took off. Left at exactly 10:00PM.

About 3.5 hours later, I get my first ride. Two very beautiful and happy middle-aged women. One of them "always takes pedicabs", and her friend had never been in one. They only needed to go a couple of blocks or so, but their feet were tired. No problem, I say. I got off to a rough start (it's fucking TOUGH to pull 450lbs+ with a mountain bike!; and there was heavy traffic at that moment), but I got them where they wanted to go in a couple of minutes (really, it wasn't that far). On the way, the friend said, "I feel like a bitch for riding a pedicab.", like it was harming the driver to pull her. Ma'am, it's my job; enjoy the ride! I think the ride gave her something to think about. Maybe next time she sees a pedicab, she won't have a problem hailing it and grabbing a ride. Anyway, I told them that they were my first ride ever, and they were flabbergasted. They gave me $10, said thanks, and went off to some bar.

Total time pedicabbing: 4 hours (10:00PM to 2:00AM)
Distance ridden: 10 miles (includes to and from bus transfer points a few blocks away)
Money made: $10.00
Pay per hour: $2.50
Pay per mile: between $1.00 and $2.00

It was a very slow night; all the drivers said so. I just happened to have the worst luck of the bunch, but no one came out really well. The company gave me "free lease" for my first night, so it didn't cost me anything to rent the cab (usually it's between $10 and $20 a night, depending on day and season; it would have been $10 tonight). So, I'm $10 ahead, exhausted, and drinking an "Old Rasputin" ale before bed. I guarantee I'll pass out. I'm pooped!

Night all.

getting ready to leave for my first night pedicabbing

2003-10-30T00:54:04Z

OK. It's here: Wednesday evening. The first night I'll be pedicabbing in downtown Austin. I'm nervous, but adamant that this will work out well. As I said earlier, it's the first job I've ever had doing something besides IT.

I took a 90 minute nap, so that should help a bit. Tammy/austingoddess fixed me a wonderful dinner of bread, cheese, and fruit. I'll be taking a bottle of water, a Coke, and a Clif bar with me. The weather's nice. The "Night Owl North" bus runs until 3:10AM and will take me very close to the house about 30 minutes later.

Ugh. Still nervous, but DAMN IT, I'M GOING TO DO THIS! I'm glad it's so freeform; if I want to leave early, I can and will. If I wanted to start at 10:00PM, I could. Whatever; it doesn't affect the company's income.

I'm off. I'll post in a few hours.

got my chauffeur's license

2003-10-29T19:37:32Z

After waking up late and biking almost 9 miles, I got to the office 5 minutes until they were about to close for the day (they only do this from 8-12, Mon-Fri). It didn't take long, though - gave them my paperwork, passed the test, had my nasty picture taken and paid them $10, all in about 20 minutes. I now have a City of Austin Chauffeur's License to drive for Austin Bicycle Cabs, with a blurry picture of me on it. And, again, if you need a job and like to bicycle, they're still looking for people.

I start tonight at 8:00PM. I have a remnant of that uneasiness and fear, but it's pretty small now, and I'm able to cover it up because I'm somewhat excited. I don't think most of you realize this, but this will the first job I've EVER had that wasn't computer related. Ever. I've never done anything except work with computers. I started working at age 16 in computer stores, then tech support, then programming, then network and system administration, more computer stores, on-site support...I've done a lot in the IT industry. So, if you think my nervousness makes me out to be some sort of wimp, maybe this explains it a bit.

Now, off to get some food at Taco Cabana, then I'm going to relax and maybe nap a bit. I'll be up until after 3:00AM tomorrow morning.

almost pedicabbing

2003-10-29T03:10:05Z

Well, I biked and bussed all over Austin today because I think I mis-remembered the address for the City of Austin Ground Transportation office. Well, I finally found it, after biking all over downtown, going to the courts building, the police station, city hall, and offices in One Texas Tower. I killed some time and relaxed at Bookpeople, then hit the office, where a nice fellow told me how much of a breeze it is, showing me a "chauffeur's test" (things like "Where is the Paramount theater?" with 3 possible answers, and "City law says you can't have any traffic tickets within __ many years?" with 5 possible answers, plus some true/false questions, etc. Its' 25 total questions.) He said if I fail it, they give me another, then another if needed, then another; they have 4 different tests. They might not even inspect my bike. Wow. So, I'll get that all done in the morning, then come home and relax. I'll be working from about 8:00 PM until about 2:30 AM Wed-Sat (I can work until 3:00 AM, but I need to catch the bus home, and I don't want to miss it and have to bike 7 miles after work, so I'll leave a little early). I should make anywhere from $0 to $200 a night; it's highly variable. But, this week has some UT sports games ([puke]) and Halloween (that'll be a crazy night), so there's higher-than-normal business and tips expected, from what I understand.

I'm scared because I hate dealing with people (especially stupid and drunk people) and traffic. But, I've covered my bike in reflectors and I'll be towing a cab with "slow vehicle" signs and lights on it, so I should be easy to see. What's cool about this job is I can work as much or as little as I want. If I rake in $300 in my first hour (HA! But, that would ROCK! :-) ), I'll go home! :-) Or, I'll work the rest of the night to make up for a possible "$10 night". Whatever. My choice. Very cool.

Again, if anyone in Austin needs a job and likes to bicycle, let me know. They need people badly.

getting ready to drive a pedicab

2003-10-28T16:11:16Z

I got my document notarized yesterday. This morning, I'm going downtown to take the chauffer's test and have the bike inspected.

Last night I went to the Austin Yellow Bike Project and fixed various little things on my bike, tightening things here and there, and adding reflectors and a left-hand rear-view mirror. What a huge difference that makes!

Off to shower and go downtown.

a secular intellectual monastic community?

2003-10-27T18:54:05Z

There are many people in the world who would like to have the opportunity to just think. All day, every day, doing nothing but thinking, writing, creating, developing new ideas and rehashing old ones. They don't like dealing with "the real world", since the "real world" is full of greed, hypocrisy, crime, apathy, and indifference. These people want to be in an environment which fosters growth and discovery, not one in which you must struggle day to day to pay needless bills and put food in your mouth. And, yes, I'm one of these people.

If certain grants could be obtained, whether from the government or from private citizens or other groups, this could happen. I know there are fellowships that do such things as this, but they usually pay for one person for a set time. I also know about some government grants, but they are filled with red tape and are for a specific need or goal. I'm talking about a freeform institution where those of us who wish to be free of the mundane aspects of day-to-day life can live while developing whatever ideas or thoughts interest us at the moment. Science, medicine, philosophy, art, music, political science...any and all of these, and many things not listed, would be "fair game" for people.

The institution could be funded by those wealthier members of society or via government grants. People and organizations could pledge support. The support would go for building upkeep, food, to pay a few staff members (cook, accountant, lawyer, and those "interfacing" with the "real world"), and purchase supplies (books, food, clothing, etc.). The residents could work or not work, as their personal circumstances and wishes dictate, but they'd always have food, clothing, a roof, and a nurturing environment for their studies.

The residents would not be able to patent or copyright their work or research - that would be done by the institution's non-profit corporate structure, or placed somehow in the public domain completely. This would keep the information free and of use to everyone. A resident could use his ideas to make money, but the ideas themselves would be "open source" or "public domain" somehow. This model has worked incredibly well for Linux and other open source operating systems; it can work well for other sorts of information, too.

What would the donors get in return? The understanding that all information and research done here is useful in some way or another and will benefit mankind. They would get no special rights to anything done at the institution, although they could use them like anyone else could.

The institution library would be incredible, with books and media on every topic imaginable, and with published works on all research and study done at the institution. A monthly magazine could be published of current research currents and ideas. A website would give up-to-the-minute info from the institution and the residents, who would be required to publish on the Internet and in print about their progress as often as is practical.

I'd love to live somewhere like this. This is what universities used to be, I think, or at least what their ideal state should have been. This could be a freeform think-tank, a place for new ideas to spawn and grow.

I wish it were so.

moods, goals, and thought processes

2003-10-27T18:17:06Z

This past weekend I was in a very light-hearted, giggly, "schoolgirl" mood, especially yesterday afternoon. Today, I'm super-serious, focused, driven, and annoyed (yeah, like that last part ever changes, right?). It's strange how a single night of sleep can so completely change a mood.

What are my goals and hopes in life? What do I want to accomplish? If I want to be remembered, for what should that remembrance be? Where do I want to go, and why? How do I want to live? Do I want others in my life?

I don't think anyone else understands that these questions are continually in my mind, and my serious nature is contemplating them every second of my existance. Even when I'm doing other things or if I seem to be doing "nothing", these thoughts are there, being processed, with choices and decisions being tested and results guessed. This explains my moods and outbursts which, otherwise, look pretty random and unfocused; they're planned, understood, and focused only if viewed through my mind and being. Some people blow me off as "dramatic" - their loss. I only seem "dramatic" because those that blow me off as such lead such boring and inane lives doing nothing of interest.

more water woes

2003-10-27T16:21:25Z

Oh. That's nice. No hot water. At all. It's freezing.

UPDATE, 12:34PM - Seems the pilot light blew out. Wendy re-lit it, so we should have hot water again.

pleasant weekend

2003-10-27T01:48:05Z

Yesterday was fun, but so was today. A relaxing morning, followed by bicycling to Half Price Books, then stopping at Woodcraft, then eating early dinner at Blackeyed Pea, then costume hunting at Goodwill. All with austingoddess. :-)

Yes, it was a great weekend. :-)

Oh. How do you think I'd look dressed in a skin-tight golden jumpsuit, wearing a tiger tail, jester's hat, and waving a magic wand around trying to attract riders to my pedicab? About $15 would get me that get-up, but it may take years to allow the warped memories to subside.

jesus struck by lightning!

2003-10-26T17:14:37Z

"Actor Jim Caviezel, who plays Jesus in Mel Gibson's controversial film "The Passion of Christ" was struck by lightning during shooting."

BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! [snort!] HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Oh, why do I find this so funny? lol

If I was religious, I'd probably say, "That's God saying that the movie is a bad idea, or that Caviezel is portraying Jesus badly." Being that I'm not religious, I see it as an extremely humourous and apropos coincidence.

movie day

2003-10-26T01:13:02Z

Tammy took me to see Bubba Ho-Tep today. Oh, that is a good flick! Go see! Check the showtimes section of the website for when it will be in a city near you. It'll be playing in Austin at the Drafthouse North Village on Anderson Lane for a couple of weeks, at least, maybe a bit longer. Bruce Campbell and Ossie Davis are great! Bruce's Elvis is really believable! It's a great story, truly wacky, and very fun. Go see it, because it may not play for long.

After it was over, we were walking out of the theater and we decided to see another movie, Kill Bill. So, she bought the tickets and we went to kill about 45 minutes at Texpresso before KB started. That was a cheesy flick! Cheesy, cheese, cheesosity. Fun. Interesting. And cheesy. Go see. Lots of blood, but it's done in humorous ways (big spurting fountains going 10 feet and that sort of thing). It's like WAY overdone, so much almost everyone in the theater was laughing when some no-name samurai dudes were getting limbs cut off and spewing blood all over the place.

Then we came home. What a fun day. :-)

grrr

2003-10-25T17:26:34Z

I know I'm not paying rent right now. I know I'm living where I am due to the graciousness of the homeowner (trust me; it eats at me every second - I haven't forgotten). And I know I'm not easy to live with, even when I mostly stay out of the way. And I'm grateful, really. But it sure would be nice to be told when a basic utility such as water is going to be turned off for hours for a water heater repair. Simple courtesy, that. I'm glad I had about three-fourths of a liter of bottled water so that I could clean up and wash my hair. Minor thing that, but still annoying.

Yet another reason to shave my head, too.

friends, unfriends

2003-10-25T15:03:54Z

I've done a bit of tweaking of my friends list over the past few days.

Welcome caffeinatrixx, tyrsalvia, and veleda. I added you because you have interesting things to say.

Goodbye to those of you I've removed (I don't remember all the names). I removed you because you didn't have interesting things to say.

Enjoy your new statuses within my universe. And, yes, it's often like ripples in a pool of liquid; they affect other parts of life.

Halloween pedicab driving costume?

2003-10-25T04:53:23Z

Hmmm. I just realized that next Friday is Halloween. I'll be driving a pedicab that night (oh my gawd, it's gonna be cra-zy on Sixth Street that night!).

What should I wear? How should I costume myself, if at all? I don't "celebrate" Halloween; I'm looking at this as a chance for some wacky "marketing". Things like "Greeee-tings. I veal tech you in my cab. Bwahahaha!" or something similarly business-inducing. Decorate myself so as to stand out from other drivers, for example, or to give people more impetus to ride with me if I'm going past them.

Vampires and "traditional monsters" don't really turn me on, despite my example above. Other ideas? Borg? A robed monk? Leslie Cochran (could you see me biking in a g-string? BWAHAHAHA!)? The costume can't cause safety issues, either.

Ideas appreciated. Oh, and it has to be cheap and fast, too, as I'm broke and only have a week to throw it together.

to the tune of the Beatles' "Paperback Writer"...

2003-10-25T04:35:02Z

"Pedicab driiii-ver....driiii-ver....driiii-ver..."

Yes, I start driving a pedicab this coming Wednesday. And they need more people because they're quite short (if you want info, drop me an e-mail or a comment and I'll put you in touch with them; alternatively, follow the link below). And they said this is a great time of year to do it because of all the football games and such going on. I still have to go take my chauffer's test on Monday and have my bike inspected, but those shouldn't be problems. I'll tune it up this weekend and put on new brake pads, and I might go to Yellow Bike on Monday evening to correct the little bit of side-to-side play in my rear wheel.

I took the bus down to 6th and Congress, where I flagged down a pedicab and asked him to take me to the pedicab office. Well, he rides for the other company in town ("ABC", whereas I signed up with Revolution Bike Taxi), but he was extremely cool and said he'd run me near there as he was going roughly that way. He got me within a couple of blocks and gave me directions on how to get there. I could only give him a dollar, as I didn't have any smaller denominations with me. He almost didn't take it, but shook my hand and told me good luck. It was cool to ride in a pedicab to see what it is like from a rider's perspective.

After I left the pedicab office, I grabbed the number 1 bus back towards home. Who should be on that bus but Leslie Cochran. He was having a heated religious discussion with another passenger on the bus. I got to sit there and watch as Leslie took the side of atheism and areligiousness and the other fellow talked about Roman Catholicism. Voices were raised, and both argued vehemently. I busted out laughing. It was great. A fellow next to me, obviously a bit stoned, tried to sell me pot, which I declined. He was pretty amazed to be on the same bus with Leslie, as he kept commenting on the fact.

Got near home, grabbed dinner at Taco Cabana, came home, ate, and here I am.

pedicabs, here i come

2003-10-25T00:19:58Z

OK. I'm heading down to the pedicab place with my legal documentation. Let's see how it goes. Of course, I should expect it to fail...

ridiculous

2003-10-24T21:48:58Z

You know, I shouldn't have to feel guilty about decisions I make in my life. I shouldn't have to justify my decisions to anyone but myself. Sure, I'll fuck up sometimes, but it'll be my fuck-up and it won't destroy those around me. Been there, done that, never again.

how do you get rid of a Supreme Court justice?

2003-10-24T13:56:50Z

Scalia Ridicules Court's Gay Sex Ruling

First, isn't it going against the rules of the Court to speak out publically concerning a decision against which you've already written a dissenting opinion?

Hey, Justice Scalia, why don't you show me where in the "Oh, so precious!" Constitution that it outlaws sodomy. Hmmm? Where is it? Come on, you know it's there - point it out.

Stupid fuckhead. How can you get rid of a Supreme Court Justice, anyways? They're appointed for life.

Conservatives are such fucking backasswards robots. "The 50-year-old Intercollegiate Studies Institute is a private conservative education organization that sponsors lectures and conferences and scholarships. The group says its mission is to, 'enhance the rising generation's knowledge of our nation's founding principles — limited government, individual liberty, personal responsibility, free enterprise (news - web sites) and Judeo-Christian moral standards.'" Oh, that's it. Look backwards, and only look at one document from that time. Don't read the mounds of other texts available, like the Federalist Papers, the Anti-Federalist Papers, personal letters between the "Founding Fathers", etc. You assholes are exactly like "Biblical scholars" - using narrow tunnel vision to propagate a warped view of what was really meant based on flawed grammar and personal vendettas.

And you know that "Scalia spoke after standing with some 800 others to recite the Pledge of Allegiance" because of the whole "...under God..." thing going on right now.

Stupid, backwards-looking, robotic morons.

yeah, fuck you assholes

2003-10-24T04:02:42Z

OK. Fine. Fuck you stupid shitheads. I've turned off anonymous postings in my LJ. If you want to go off at me, have the guts to do it under your name, you fucking spineless shitheads (and, that includes you, Mr./Mrs. 80.47.220.218). Log in and have some balls. Too bad I'm soooo much better than you, eh, asswipe?

age

2003-10-24T03:33:30Z

Wow. It just hit me, while looking at this web page of the history of Apple Computers that I'm getting fucking old. I remember when the various Macs came out, even though I was a Commodore 64, Amiga, Atari ST, and PC user. I remember this shit. And it was a fucking long time ago.

Wow. What a damn trip. It really puts things in perspective when you read something that says, "It was released in 1986", and you think, "Oh, that wasn't that long ago", and then you do the math. Damn.

Luckily, I might have as much time in front of me as I have behind me. And that is the important part, as I'm now changing and doing things that need years to mature. Wish me luck.

fuck

2003-10-23T15:18:13Z

If I wasn't so damn sore from all the walking and sitting in cramped seats I've had to do over the past few days, I'd be planning to go downtown tonight to fill out my pedicab forms. But, since I can barely make it back and forth to the bathroom, that ain't gonna happen.

And if I had money and wasn't sore, I'd probably be packing up my shit and heading to Arizona on my bike right about now.